My past five years have been a deep journey of personal development and self actualization. Shamanic plant medicine journeys, yoga teacher trainings, sadhanas, Burning Man, Daoist meditation practices, and beyond. Consciousness, frequency, vibration, choose a metaphor, is dynamic. We can increase our vibration, and experience peak states that blast us into infinity.

5MeO-DMT is known as the God Molecule. The experience is, as they say, ineffable. Indescribable with words. As my friend, Dr. Erik Viirre once told me when I said that, “Try.”

I’ve done the Toad, as they call it, twice. I’m not sure I’ll ever do it again, but I’ll never say never. Both times, I vaporized it in a foot tall Argon gas filled pipe, in a pure synthetic form, held in the container of a Gnostic ceremony. Both times, I inhaled, held the sacrament in my lungs, and laid back as I exhaled…

…into a state of complete surrender.

It feels like dying…

The entirety of reality dissolved instantly into a fractal pattern and my consciousness held the entire universe across all time, impossibly. It feels like every single emotion at the same time wrapped into a primal cosmic scream that has the intensity of a million suns exploding into a massive spiritual orgasm.

After floating in a cosmic ocean of infinite love for an eternity, the shattered pieces of my psyche reformed in this reality. Both times there was a bit of a challenge reintegrating the fractal Yuanness of my identity in a more purified form. Afterwards, everything felt cleaner… the air I was breathing, my soul, my being… a feeling of complete gratitude.

Sometimes, in spiritual practice, I find people asking questions like, “How do I get there?” As though, there’s some end point, where we are enlightened. The balance between self and the infinite is always in flux, and it’s finding that place between discipline and surrender that magic occurs. A state of flow.

However, the journey is the destination. It’s a cosmic roller coaster ride. There is no There.

Day 15: Erowid #GivingChristmas